AvatarJulio asked 12 months ago
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I am a 50-year-old man who recently divorced after a 15-year marriage. I am ready to start dating other women but am unsure of the rules. What do people expect, sexually speaking, and when?



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1 Answers
Harry KonstantinidisHarry Konstantinidis Staff answered 12 months ago
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First of all, forget about any “rules.” There really are none, especially on sexual matters. Now, take a step back. A 15-year marriage and absence from dating doesn’t make you Rumplestiltskin. People have not recently invented a secret mating dance, nor is there an entirely new form of sex that everyone is enjoying.
What has changed in the last 15 years? The AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) epidemic has made people who are dating more cautious and careful, if anything. Don’t be surprised, for instance, if a dating partner with whom you are about to become intimate asks you to be tested for HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) or other sexually transmitted diseases.
In general, people have a new awareness of sexual health and the potential dangers of sex. Asking if a woman is “on the Pill” is no longer sufficient. Taking condoms with you on a date is not an insult; it is a sign that you care and respect your partner. I’d advise that you do some research on safer sex and sexually transmitted diseases. You may need to take a little time to become comfortable using condoms, so consider practicing on your own first.
As far as what to expect from your dates, or what they will expect from you, sexually speaking, there is really no way to answer that question. Everyone is different. In fact, the best way to approach each new person and dating situation is not to expect too much.
Some people like to have sex on the first date; others wait until marriage; most are somewhere in between. These days, there is more freedom to be yourself. So stop worrying about whether you are “doing things right” and do what feels comfortable.
You may feel awkward about being divorced and worry that women will think you are a failure. But some women will consider it a plus that you were in a committed relationship for many years. If you are feeling a bit unsure and nervous, say so to a date or a potential date. It can be charming to show vulnerability, and it is a great conversation starter. You should do just fine.



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